The Sleep Study

For months…maybe even almost a year now my husband has been complaining about my snoring.  He ought to know because his snoring was so bad that at one point I was sleeping on the twin bed in my youngest sons room at night; I couldn’t get a decent night’s sleep otherwise.  His snoring would literally rattle the door in its frame.  I was constantly at work with dark circles under my eyes and the extra bed in my sons room had become more comfortable than my own bed next to my husband.

Finally he complained that he was tired of sleeping without his wife.  I told him that I would be happy to sleep next to him but he had to do something about his snoring.  He finally went and got a sleep study done.  He actually had to go twice and afterward was diagnosed with snoring and sleep apnea and now sleeps with one of those CPAP machines.  It ain’t sexy but we do sleep together at night in the same bed and I no longer have to hear him snoring at night.

Picture how weird it is to wake up in the morning and want to get busy but your husband has to take that shit off of his face before he can give you some.  He jokes with me that one day he’s going to fuck me while wearing his CPAP mask just for the hell of it.  Now that would be some bullshit.

Anyway…problem solved right?  Wrong, now I snore.  Not sure when my snoring escalated to such a high level but for the past 3-4 months I was waking up exhausted and Mr. Red kept telling me that I was snoring so loudly that I would wake him up out of his sleep.  Of course I would deny it…I mean how unfeminine is it to be the snoring chick?  I couldn’t deny that I wasn’t getting enough rest though, so after much cajoling my husband convinced me to get a sleep study performed…

I arrived at the sleep center last night amidst a bunch of hustle and bustle in my own home.  My youngest was getting picked  up by his AAU coach to travel to a tournament in VA this weekend.  Yesterday was “Senior Cut Day” and the entire high school was down at the Jersey Shore getting drunk and playing on the board walk and in the ocean.  My youngest and his older brother left at 7:30 in the morning to head to the shore and they stayed at Belmar beach until I got in from work around 6:30 p.m.  My youngest was exhausted and just needed to lie down for a little while.  I felt his pain so I packed up his travel bag and fixed dinner and I was trying to get everything organized but I was supposed to be at the sleep center by 9:00 p.m.  It was really hard to get out of the door, my husband didn’t want me to leave and he tried to coax me into a Jack Daniels and ginger ale for the road.  That led to two and next thing you know we are laughing and talking shit at the kitchen table.  I almost cancelled the sleep study.  He thought he was slick when he said, “You know I cancelled my first 3 sleep studies”.  Nah nigga…I’m getting this over with.  As I headed out of the door everyone is giving me hugs and telling me good-bye.  Who knew they were so dependent on me just being there?

Anyway…the sleep study was some bullshit.  The room looked like any other hotel room, the bed was all gussied up and whatnot with bedding and pillow shams and comforters etc.  There was a flat screen TV but I had brought my iPad because I’m hooked on the series Supernatural and always wanted to watch it from the very beginning, now I can.  The Sleep Tech hooked me up with all of these wires and glued (no I did not stutter) GLUED all of these wires onto my scalp with this thick white cold paste that was smeared into my hair.  I had wires everywhere and a breathing thingee up my nose, like the oxygen you wear in the hospital?  I even had wires taped to my legs, this whole thing was super wack.  She told me that I had to sleep on my back for the first two hours and when I finally fell asleep she woke me up on the loud-speaker and said, “It’s been two hours, you have to turn on your side now”.  UGH!  She woke me up cause one of the electrodes popped off of my scalp and had to be replaced.  She woke me up because there was a wire that wasn’t working properly and every time she would enter the room the blinding flourescent lighting from the hallway would blast into my room and remind me that I was very far from home.

At one point I woke myself up because I had to pee and she had to come and unhook me and then I dragged wires into the lady’s room.  I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked straight crazy.  The whole thing was really annoying.  When I finally fell back asleep after much tossing and turning she woke me up and said, “Good morning your sleep study is over”. UGH!  Then she had to unhook me from all of those wires and told me that I could go home and take a shower. She said that to get the glue out of my hair that I should put conditioner in my hair first and the glue would slip off.  That actually worked well this morning in the shower.  I wet my hair, slathered conditioner into my hair and began to slide the clumps off glue off of my head.  After that I washed it as usual. She did tell me that some women come in for a second sleep study a month later and still have glue in their scalp and the marks from the placement markers.  She said, you know…women who wear weaves.” Another mark against the black woman, I swear it makes me crazy.

Anyway, she did say that I snored and had several instances of sleep apnea while I was being monitored and that the doctor would submit my report in about a week.  As far as the CPAP goes, maybe I’ll get a pink one…that’s what’s up in Red’s World.

Allergic Reactions and Stuff

My doctor put me onto this new medication for my allergies.  He had me taking a combination of Nasonex and Pulmicort 2x a day.  He said it takes 3 days to work and I started to take it on Tuesday.  Tell me why I woke up this morning with my lips swollen like two fat sausages, the roof of my mouth is also swollen and I’m coughing too. 

Earlier this week I watched this movie called “Life After Porn” and it followed people in the porn industry and what happened to their lives after they left the industry.  There was this one chick named Houston http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houston_(pornographic_actress) who had pumped her lips full of collagen until her face was visually distorted, so of course when I looked in the mirror this morning I wanted to cry.  I said to my husband…I look like a porn actress…my mouth looks like a pussy!  He tried to console me in between fits of laughter.  He told me to take a Benadryl to reduce the swelling, but I hate Benadryl more than anything.  The sleepy groggy feeling is not worth the trade off for lips that are not swollen.  As I sit here writing this, my lips are tingling and churning, I feel as though I look like a damn caricature.  I keep drinking bottles of water and for some strange reason my doctor is not returning my calls.  (Insert sarcasm here).

I’m taking the day off tomorrow to break in the new cleaning lady…I want to see how she works and clean along side of her to make sure she is doing things the way that I like. 

Last night the boys were at their work out with the new trainer.  My youngest is really getting it in!  I can’t wait to see him in his next game.  The coach has been working with him and he has been really improving.  The changes in his game in two weeks time have been amazing to watch.  He also made a difference in my oldest sons life which brought him the attention of college coaches.  I call Coach Daley my secret weapon.  I text’d my youngest son’s AAU coach yesterday to ask when he is holding the next practice.  I really want to see him get it in with those other fuck boys…I mean…young men that are his team mates. 

While the boys were working out I watched the new Underworld on my iPad, Underworld Awakenings with Kate Beckinsale.  I love that actress, I think she is so fucking fly and her body is awesome.  Nobody can rock out as a vampire the way she does and be as effective.  I know it was good because as I sat in my car with the windows down letting the cool evening breeze blow over me in the pitch black parking lot, at one point a giant Lycan jumped out and I said…”holy shit!”.  It’s hard to make Red jump but this one was effective. 

When I got home later that evening I had my requisite Cabernet and potato chips, which I will hopefully run off when I go to the gym at lunch time.  That’s about it…that’s what’s up in Red’s World.

Sunshine Cleaning Part 2

So I let go of my cleaning lady last night.  I gave her my price, she counter offered with a higher price (like I knew she would) and I just said that it’s not going to work and asked for my key back.  She said, “Is 8:30 ok?” I was like that’s fine.  She rang my doorbell and said “It’s been a pleasure working for you all of these years”.  I smiled and said, “Yes it was a pleasure, I’m sorry it didn’t work out”.  We both gave our fake classy smiles and she walked away into the darkness.  I must admit that a small part of me wanted to scream…WAIT!…but that’s just that fear again…although this time it is the fear of the unknown.

I interviewed a new cleaning lady last night…she was 30 minutes late, I was in my car about to drive away because I had an appointment at 6:00 to get my extreme lashes.  She pulled up as I was about to pull off…I gave her a quick tour of the house and asked her prices and her references.  She is new to this, I can tell.  I remember when my first lady started she had no vacuum cleaner and used mine.  Eventually as business picked up she purchased her own vacuum.  Hell I just bought a fly new vacuum 2 weeks ago after a huge debate on bagless (Green) vacuum cleaners and old-fashioned vacuums where you just toss the bag.  I don’t know about you all but I don’t need to examine my dirt in a transparent canister.  I also don’t want to have to wash the canister and the filter every time I finish cleaning.  It’s disgusting and goes right along side the new “green” washing machines that use low phosphate detergent and eventually begin to stink because of the low heat and low phosphate detergent mixed with liquid fabric softener.

I actually had to google “washing machine odor” because I swear fore God and 4 more white people I had never smelled a washing machine before in my LIFE!  Apparently washing machine odor is something that just started to occur in the 21st Century.  To fix it, you have to wipe down the inside of your machine (I used Fantastic with Bleach) and then run 2 cups of vinegar and 2 cups of bleach through an empty machine and the odor goes away.  It’s pretty disgusting though…

Anyway, the new cleaning lady starts on Friday…fear of the unknown…we shall see how it goes.

Sunshine Cleaning

I realized something yesterday…everyone lives in perpetual fear of their cleaning lady. If she didn’t clean something right, you don’t want to say anything because she might get upset and leave. If she raises her prices, you don’t want to complain because she might get upset and leave. If you can’t find something you don’t want to say anything because you don’t want to accuse her of stealing…and she might get upset and leave.

Having someone with a set of keys to your home and scrubbing away all of your dirt is a very personal thing. Your cleaning person knows about the most intimate things in your household, and also knows your habits, what you eat, what you wear, how you live and they could probably write a book about you that would either make or break your reputation. You get comfortable with this person and they are almost like an unspoken family member, however, they are also like the moody teenager that lives upstairs and is prone to throw a tantrum or just leave you hanging if you don’t bend to their will. I have spoken to several friends about this and have heard responses like “She cleans everyone’s house in the cul de sac and she’s not very good but we’re all afraid of her”. (Insert nervous laughter here). Or just yesterday when I was venting to my friend about my cleaning lady and he said “Never, EVER piss off the cleaning lady. She will tear your shit UP next time around”. See….I’m not living like that.

My cleaning lady has been cleaning my house for about 10 years. When she first came to this country she barely spoke English and I was using a cleaning company from the yellow pages and they were doing an “ok” job and charging me a lot for it. One day this woman rings my doorbell and tells me in very broken English that her cousin works for the cleaning company that I use and that her cousin said that I would probably take her on if she charged me only 1/2 of what the cleaning company charged me. She said that she would do a very good job and that she had references.

I decided to give her a try, she would come and quietly clean our home. She would do an exemplary job and didn’t even raise her prices for the first 3 years. 10 years later she raises the price every year, she doesn’t clean 1/2 as well as she used to. She went to night school, she became a US citizen, she no longer needed to be paid in cash, she could accept checks and she pays “taxes” she proudly proclaimed. All of a sudden the meek little woman that rang my doorbell years ago had become a monster. Her attitude was clear and she was quick to tell me something if she didn’t like it. I felt as if I was being held hostage by her.

Well, recently I noticed that she had spilled bleach on my brand new carpeting in the living room and then had put an area rug over it to try and hide the spots. There were like 6 little spots that had come from a bleach drip and it really annoyed me because she wasn’t being honest…but once again, I was afraid to say anything. The fear kicked in. Then my oldest started driving and my car insurance doubled, so I said, something has to go. I will cut her down to 1x a month. I had considered that sometime last year and she told me what she would charge me for once a month as opposed to bi weekly. So I called her and said that when she comes on Friday I will pay her the once a month fee and then she can come back in June.

She hesitated…she said she didn’t remember ever committing to that fee from me. That she would have to think about it and get back to me because she has a lot of things going on and may not be able to accept my price. She tried to use fear. And for a moment, I was afraid. What if she doesn’t come back? What if she doesn’t accept my price? Who will clean my home? What will I do? But then I realized…cleaning bitches are a dime a dozen. I went on Craigslist and saw a whole slew of them. I called her back. I asked her to kindly return my keys and keep it moving. I don’t need to wait for her new price. Sometimes relationships run their course. I suggest that we all “refresh” our cleaning people from time to time to remind them that we pay THEM to do a service…and personally Red doesn’t play those games. (Fuck that ho).

The Haunted

Animal Planet has this series called The Haunted, it’s on Animal Planet because it goes on to discuss how animals begin to act strangely in the home when they are around spirits.  I like to sit down sometimes with a glass of merlot, unwind and check out The Haunted.  Well…honey…there was this one episode that scared me so badly I am still thinking about it today.  I mean you would have to see it because they “re-enact” stories and they use a combination of live footage.  There was this one story about a succubus and how the family heard this horrible screaming in the back yard which leads out into the woods and they taped it.  The father actually walked outside and taped the sound of this horrible inhuman screaming.  What black person do you know that would walk toward a screaming sound like that while holding a tape recorder?  It seemed like after that night, things began to manifest themselves in the house.  Oh wait, before that they had called themselves doing their own paranormal investigations and they tried to “cleanse” this haunted restaurant in the basement and one of the people that were doing the investigation got bitten (live footage again) by this unseen demonic entity.  **blank stare**.  OK so meanwhile their little Pekingense is tripping out and growling all over the house because IT can see this entity but nobody else can. I could deal with all of that until they brought in this paranormal investigative team and they did this thing called Ghost Radio where they put the radio on these AM stations and it keeps flipping channels because that makes it easier for a spirit to talk to them.  So these people are sitting around this table and the words “Praise Satan” come over the radio.

Man lisssen.  White folks can get themselves into the damnedest things but just watching that on the TV made me feel like I was letting something into my house.  I turned that off and was (to myself) Red, maybe you shouldn’t watch this stuff anymore.

A few days later I’m in Whippany NJ with my sons and I had to take them to a tournament.  The place was packed and I had to park really far from the facility, like 1/4 mile away in the parking lot of the building next door.  Well when I pulled up there it was still day light but after the second game it was about 7:30 in the evening and dark outside.  Both boys had been sweating pretty badly and I told them that I would bring the car around so that they wouldn’t get sick.  Sounds good in theory but I forgot that I had to walk 1/4 mile in the dark and when I got to the parking lot it was pitch black.  It was so dark that I could barely make out the shape of my car all the way in the back.  I kept hitting the remote control on my key chain to make the car light up so that I would feel a little bit better.  It was dark, I couldn’t see, I twisted my ankle in a pot hole and my nerves were shaken, all because of that damn ANIMAL PLANET!  When I finally got to the car I opened the door and DOVE inside, I locked all of the doors and drove as quickly as possible back to the basketball facility.  I know one thing, no more The Haunted for me!

It’s been a minute….

Hey Everybody, I know it’s been a minute but Red’s life has been muy hectado!  Is that Spanish?  I made it up.  My life has been hectic.  My week usually goes something like this.  Monday, I teach class in the middle of the day and then have to stay late because I’m using work time to teach.  After I work late I rush home to take the boys to “Open Gym” that’s when the college coaches come to scout the boys as they play game after game from 6:00-8:00 p.m.  That’s how my oldest got the full scholarship offer to Fairleigh Dickinson.  I usually drop the boys off and then rush to the gym to get in my workout.  When I finish I pick them up, eat dinner and end my evening about 9:30-10:00.

Tuesday nights I have class from 5:30-8:30 p.m.  This PhD class is GRUELING.  I actually like the professor, she’s smart as a whip and knows her stuff and challenges the students.  On the other hand, she’s hard as shit, she overworks us and um, excuse me but you’re making me crazy and she grades the work really hard.  I never got a C the entire time I was in the MPA program, lowest I ever got was a B.  I get back my first essay and a big ole C was written on it.  I was completely in my feelings for about 72 hours after that.  I then went to see her in her office and we chatted, I can’t help but like her and I dunno, she at least has a sense of humor.  Last night she asked me a question, “So you think it’s New York’s fault that New Jersey has so much corruption?”  I said, “Well, I did when we were discussing the Port Authority and the corruption within it, but I’m off of the whole New York thing now”.  She busted out laughing.  See, she gets it.  I’m just trying to be me.

Wednesday?  I teach class again!  Woo-hoo!  I teach, I stand, I debate and then I have to get back to work and stay late yet again.  When I teach I get home around 5:30-5:45 which leaves me about 15 minutes to get my oldest to his SAT class (Thank God this is the last week and he re-takes the SAT’s this Saturday).  Meanwhile he has 1 college offer for a full scholarship and 1 based on this next set of SAT scores.  Colgate is a BAWSE school but I don’t think we can leave the Fairleigh offer on the floor until November 22nd.  It’s a frightening look, I try not to think about it too much.  So I drop my oldest off at his SAT class and on the way back I start to scoop up Jaheim, my youngest and his boy Raymond, then we drive to the Fall League game where I run my mouth with my other girlfriend Michelle and we laugh and bug out and talk about how we can’t wait til our sons leave for college.  By the time I finish dropping everyone home, it’s about 9:30-10:00 AGAIN.  I usually still have on my work clothes and haven’t watched any TV in like — FOREVER.

Thursday’s….(hey that’s tomorrow!) Thursday’s my week starts to ease up but Mr. Red gives me that “I’ve been fucking around in this kitchen all week so you need to get in here and take over” Look.  So I go back to the busting pots and trying to study grind.  I try to do homework on Thursday nights and Friday night.  On Friday I don’t study past 10:00 p.m. because a sister needs her Merlot and her Grimm and her American Horror series, c’mon y’all yunno?  I need a break?  Saturday I jump up and take my oldest to another SAT class, come back, drop my youngest at his strength and conditioning workout for basketball, try to do some laundry and more homework.  Sometimes I take a nap.  Sunday is the AAU Fall League games at about 3:00 in the afternoon and both boys go to that.  That’s far, so I usually come back home and Mr. Red is cooking Sunday dinner and everyone looks at me like I’m crazy cause I am always trying to squeeze in more studying.  I go to bed around 9:30 and then on Monday it starts all over again.  Some days I think I’m losing my mind and then you add in all of the drama that’s going on at work — *Pffft*   I do manage to go to the gym every day except Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s.  This Thursday I have my second appointment with my personal trainer.  I’m toning up nicely but I have a long way to go.  I know how I want to look/be in Red’s World and to be honest with you, the exercise is the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now.  I get on the treadmill, plug in my songs and I am in my own little world.  When I lift weights, same thing; either my Pandora or my iPod songs.  Sometimes I really take my time leaving the gym because it’s my “Me” time.  Nobody can call my name or interrupt me for at least an hour and a half.  I love that gym, I love the layout, the way it’s designed, the showers, the sauna, the whirlpool, everything.   I really like it and the people are mad cool.  My little Oasis…Hell I even like the blue towel that they hand me when I walk in the door.  I’m like Yes!  They’re usually hot out of the dryer and they smell good too…so sad…I swear I’m going to steal one of those blue towels and walk around the house like I’m carrying a security blanket…I’m just afraid I’ll get busted if I really take one.  Hmmm, maybe I’ll just bring my bigger bag.  OMG, I’m on my blog talking about stealing towels from the gym, HILARIOUS!

Well, I’m pretty much caught up, that’s what’s up in Red’s World…a whole lot of Red Stuff…what’s been up with everyone else?

I think I have too much stress in my life

Right about now I think that I have too much stress in my life.  I feel like a hamster on a wheel that just keeps going and going in circles and grinding away on a boring ass trip to nowhere.  Still taking antibiotics — I think I have like 4 days left and although I feel much better (aside from the allergy attack I had on Sunday and I kept sneezing and sneezing and blowing my nose until the skin around my nostrils turned bright red including the very tip of my nose.  Not a good look. It didn’t help that the entire time I was at my sons’ basketball game and people kept trying to talk to me.  Yunno, random white people who were impressed by my oldest sons skills; he totally was lighting them up on the court on Sunday and there was this kid on the other team that was pretty damn good, but I was watching him…all ego and called himself guarding my oldest.  At one point my oldest rose up on the vertical, dunked on that fool and then hung on the rim and stared down into his SOUL –  Ahhhhh Hahahahahahahahahahaha.  After that the boy was a mess, he tried to hard foul this other kid named Muhammad – but Muhammad is from Africa and built like a tank, so when he tried to hard foul him it was like he ran into a wall, he tried to hard foul Muhammad and ended up hurting himself and lay on the floor screaming in pain because he somehow hurt his own knee.  His coach (another brother) just looked at him screaming and writhing on the floor and ignored him.  Finally he got up and limped into the boys bathroom to pull himself together…All cause my son stole his soul on the dunk.  Unreal.  I watched that boy turn into Nora Desmond.  Excuse me if I chuckle a little longer.  I told my child…”give that boy his soul back!”  He just walked past me and said “Nope”.

Went on a visit to Fairleigh Dickinson — the dorms where the athletes stay are hot.  They even have 52 inch flat screen TV’s with cable, they also have a great Engineering program.  I told my oldest, you can major in any of the STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering or Math) — those are the highest paying majors right now and he needs to get paid when he finishes college.  I was also happy because Colgate is NOT off the table and we are going on our unofficial visit next weekend.  We come back for an Official visit at Fairleigh after October 15th.  He liked Fairleigh a lot.  After that we go to UMBC - Maryland — Offers are usually made in November if not sooner.  I really want my child to get a D1 scholarship because he really wants to play D1 ball and God willing it will all work out but this process is stressful, and he’s also taking an SAT class that we had to pay $500 for — on Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings.  It’s no joke but I’m confident that it will improve his grade.  See, this is where the stress comes in, because I have my own PhD classes and then I’m teaching an undergraduate class on Monday’s and Wednesday’s and then some days when I get back to my desk it’s really hard to switch gears and do my own work.

I have a paper due on Friday at 12:00 p.m. and I haven’t even started it yet, I’m hoping to start it tomorrow and at least get into the flow of the work.  Sometimes I hate writing papers, but I guess this is what it’s all about, it’s what shows that you’ve read the material or whatever.

My hair is grown fast…it’s already time to color it again but I haven’t had time to play in the mirror.  See that’s what I’m talking about, play in the mirror?  Dye my eyebrows?  Really?  I need a pedicure and haven’t even had time for that and was conscious of my chipped big toe when we were in the coaches’ office at Fairleigh – I think they were just happy that my son comes from an intact family with both parents being active in his life.  Apparently that’s not the norm in basketball and the coaches told my son that he’s lucky — he just shrugged, like whateva…he’s a good kid tho, he’s holding it down.  He said “Ma, senior year was supposed to be my easiest year but so far it’s my hardest!”  I said “I know baby, but hopefully it will all pay off in the end”.  At least that’s the theory in Red’sWorld.

Was sick for a while…

Hey dear readers, I was sick for a while but I’m back today and starting to feel like my old self.  Of course I got all of that blood work done and was told it was normal…doctors always tell you that everything is normal when you particularly feel like dying at that moment.  I called out sick on Tuesday, tried to stay in bed and get some rest but ended up running my oldest to the doctor because he’s been sick too.  On Wednesday I came to work and didn’t even have the energy to teach, so the other TA taught class on Wednesday.  On Thursday I couldn’t even get out of the bed, I was completely FRIED so I made an appointment to go over the blood work and get some kind of relief from my doctor.  Actually the antibiotics helped and made me feel better in a lot of ways so I’m not going to say I’m out of the woods, but whatever has been severely wrong is at least on the run for the moment.

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.  My sister sent me an email this morning that made me burst into tears.  We’ve all been pretty fragmented since my mother died 8 years ago.  I thought we would all remain close but we haven’t.  My middle sister and I had always been particularly close but when she moved from NJ to PA our relationship became somewhat strained.  I’ve always been the type of person to keep things to myself so I’ve kept my thoughts and my reclusivity to myself and apparently it has been hurting her more than I realized because the email that she sent me ripped a huge hole in my heart.  My sister isn’t the easiest person to get along with; she means well, but she sees the world through her own glasses and her own vision.   In short, I’m the bad guy and I accept my role in all of it’s glory.  I want to find a way to make things better between us but sometimes it’s easier to just run my household, write my papers, go to work, teach my classes and love my own nuclear family.  I wonder what I would do sometimes if my family was suddenly taken away from me.  Would I lose my identity as well?

My oldest son may be getting a scholarship offer soon.  We’re taking him up to Farleigh Dickinson tomorrow to meet the head coaches and work out with the team.  I hope and pray that they make an offer because he wants to play D1 so badly.  Colgate hasn’t called lately and we had a huge blow up because he always sounds so non-chalant on the phone when these coaches call and I blame myself because I should have coached him better beforehand.  It’s really easy to assume that your children are going to pick up on your ways and habits but they don’t always do that.  I actually had to make him do a dry run on the phone with me pretending to be a coach and making him speak more enthusiastically on the phone.  It may be too late for Colgate, but hopefully it won’t be too late for some of the other schools that are still calling.  I was very blunt and let him know that nobody is hear to suck his dick; that he must apply himself and sound enthusiastic, divulge information about his workouts and let the coaches know that he’s working hard toward his goals on his end as well, not sounding like his Xbox game is being interrupted while he mumbles a distant hello.

He in turn told me that he felt as if he can’t do anything right, that I blame him for everything and that this whole NCAA recruiting process has been a nightmare.  I felt really badly that he felt that way and we ended up having a long mother/son talk and giving each other a hug afterward.  I almost look forward to going through this process with my youngest because he’s such an easygoing kid, happy all of the time, funny and charming.  He gets these lessons through osmosis and never has to be coached, I just wish he had the same amount of talent that his older brother has, he’d be the entire package.   I love both of my sons, they’re completely different individuals, but they are my heart and my world.

There’s a birthday party this weekend.  One of my favorite readers is having a get together and one of my favorite writers is flying in from Canada.  I really want to see everyone and laugh and have a drink but then my reclusive side kicks in and I feel as though I don’t want to go.  I’m in a weird place right now, strong yet fragile at the same time.  Evolving and growing and dealing with my own focus and accomplishments.  Sometimes the thought of getting dressed up, taking a train into the city and meeting some people that I am genuinely like minded with seems like too much of a hassle when I have papers to write, dinner to cook and clothes to wash.  I hope they understand that I will be there in spirit if not in the physical form; life in and of itself doesn’t slow down for any of us.

Still Exercising and Still Tired

I was doing OK this weekend, Mr. Red went to the CBT for Syracuse University, I didn’t go, but I was able to get some much needed rest over the weekend because he wasn’t there to snore in my ear and keep me awake.  Of course he got back last night and snored me right out of the bedroom.  I went into my youngest sons bedroom but I didn’t sleep well in there and tossed and turned.  Add in the fact that I got up at 5:00 a.m. to exercise and I’m sort of sitting here like a zombie/basket case this morning due to lack of sleep.  Coffee didn’t do a damn thing to help this morning.

I’m toning up nicely but I need to lose more and I think it’s time to incorporate cardio into my routine.  I figure that if I lift weights 5x per week, I can do cardio at least 3x per week, so when I’m not teaching class on Monday’s and Wednesdays, I can go to the gym and get onto the treadmill on Tuesday’s, Thursday’s and Friday’s.  I’m pretty sure that once I add the cardio into my routine I will see the desired results more quickly.

I’m totally into this new series on Cinemax called Strikeback.  It’s not the type of series that I would generally be into, action, Dubai, South Africa, etc.  Miliary ops and stuff like that, but the theme song sucked me in, it’s by this group called The Heavy and it’s called Short Change Hero.  It’s a really good song to exercise off of and it also made me start watching the series.  I am a movie/series theme song nerd, there are just certain music numbers that suck me in, I can’t exactly call it as to why, but this is definitely one of them.

Yesterday my youngest turned 16!  He wanted an ice cream cake and he got it.  He also wanted some clothes so I bought them.  My oldest wanted a new pair of sneakers, so I lent him the money until he can take it out of his bank account tomorrow.  Those boys and their sneakers never cease to amaze me.  The type of money they will spend on sneakers…I just can’t even imagine living like that, but I suppose I was that way when I was younger also.

Well, here’s to Monday…I have to teach class at 10:30 a.m., let me get this week started.